What Disney Never Taught Us About Love

Domestic violence is one of those things that, while being a victim experiencing the abuse, your feelings, your needs, your safety, everything feels as if it goes completely unacknowledged. This is why it is so very important for us to acknowledge these specific abuses in the month set aside to do so.

Whereas it can seem unimportant to others, Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) may be the beginning introduction one has to understanding their own abuse experiences. In contrast, for others, it is a month to cherish how far they've come since being out of the abuse.

As a survivor of DV, I can emphasize that it is imperative that not only is the abuse itself acknowledged, but the loss one experiences within the abuse, loss of self, identity, dreams, routine, and safety in all ways is also acknowledged. It harms you physically; it harms you mentally. It restricts your reach, dreams, and possibilities.

When someone has experienced these abuses, they so often come as a slow, slippery slope, starting with the foot-in-the-door psychological tactics that someone used to take away these most intimate and sensitive parts of your being.

Organizations that focus on direct needs, such as safety planning, as they relate to the person themselves, their children, pets, and property, can be priceless. Yet the necessity and sensitivity when understanding the empathy and trauma-informed responses that are needed for someone overcoming the experience are vital in reclaiming what was taken from them.

So often we focus on how one individual may come into the abuse without realizing how so much of our environment normalizes these abuses.

Have you ever really sat back and thought about the narratives we are taught, specifically as it relates to relationships?

The normalization of DV so often for young women such as myself happens so early on, so nuanced in our childhood that we in society can almost miss it.

For example, 2 kids playing on the playground. Johnny hits Susie, but then Susie goes and tells an adult, and Susie is then told, "Well, Johnny only did that because he likes you." It's almost as if we, as young women, should expect the abuse as "normal," specifically in the interest of appeasing others or being "liked."

"It's almost as if we, as young women, should expect the abuse as normal, specifically in the interest of appeasing others or being liked."

How about Disney movies? If you look at gender roles as they define them, why is it that Cinderella supposedly found her true love after only being in the room for minutes with the prince? He didn't do anything special for her; he just shared space and danced to a song, and all of a sudden he became her savior. In that same example, it is only because she married this man whom she barely knew that her quality of life and rags-to-riches story truly came true. It teases the narrative that a man doesn't have to do much for you to be in love and/or at his disposal. This same story accentuates the ideology that we have to marry a man in order to live our best or most prosperous life.

Let's also talk about the Stockholm syndrome/trauma bond that occurred in Beauty and the Beast, as Belle's narrative easily sacrificed and traded herself in place for another man's safety (her father), then became the captor to the beast, only to then "fall in love." Seriously!? Let's also emphasize that in The Little Mermaid, Ariel literally gave up her voice to share space with a man and walk on land.

With all these examples, it only exacerbates specifically the narratives that women are supposed to endure pain, abuse, and ultimate sacrifices to be then worthy of their communities and families.

You can say, on the surface, that these narratives aren't that deep. Still, they have played a subtle, continuous role in how women have been able to see themselves in relation to their importance in companionship and relationships. They have also played a role in how men have prized and/or exacerbated their value as it relates to their interactions with and expectations of women.

We have to take a hard look at ourselves in society. We have to ensure that organizations and individuals are breaking these narratives and that those with lived experiences of these abuses, systems, and services have the ability to get feedback to ensure they are stronger for others.

This is why we cannot look the other way on understanding the importance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

It's about societal change; it's about individual opportunity; it's about continued support; it's about legal and fiscal empowerment. It's about saving lives.

I've been that woman who experienced DV firsthand, and the narratives and needs of those recovering are still so prominent in my own environment today. I also understand that this is a small reflection of many narratives that relate to the abuse of both men and women on both sides of the coin.

Survivor voices and systemic awareness must go hand in hand in comprehending these issues, standing against abusers, and providing the necessary and required resources to make a difference.

This October, I ask you to go out of your way to acknowledge the significance of this month for those who've had these experiences. To commend it as a time of hope, possibility, and progress toward a better future and environment for all people.